Beautiful moments in between...

A wonderful weekend was spent with my family. We all went to see Thomas the Train and they had a great time. Sometimes I wonder how people view me as a mother. I grow impatient extremely fast. Despite that, we had such a wonderful time. It was one of those weekends in which time seems to stretch on and on and Monday seems so far away.

And then Monday came, and I was feeling down…our lease is up, I am $13,000 in debt in student loans for going to a school that was a complete waste of my time, the house is always a mess no matter how much I clean, I wanted enchiladas instead of fish (stupid, I know), my thoughts shifted back to past mistakes, a chronic illness to cope with, no house of our own, no money no matter how much we try to budget, and then the worries of possibly losing my job in a few months creep in. I was so down…

I yelled at Maya. No excuse. I was just sick of hearing her throw her tantrum. Then I let more of the thoughts creep in, feeling bad for every picture not taken with her, for using her illness as a way out of things (never intentionally), and not getting to celebrate her second birthday because of the snow storm. I went into the bedroom, and wanted to cry and hide. And then the little one comes in a few minutes later and crawls on top of me…and simply lays her head down on my chest like she used to when she was a baby. I sighed and let go into the moment, the beautiful moment in between: feeling her thin arm, the rough bumps of eczema on her belly, twirling her hair around her ear the way my grandma used to do to me. Maya is instinctive when it comes to knowing when people need her and she always has been. It amazes me. I started taking pictures to make up for all the ones I never took and thought, this is it. The beautiful moment where nothing else matters. In that moment, every thought that had invaded me like a cloud of bees evaporated and I was content to hold and be silly with my beautiful wild-haired daughter.


I want more of the beautiful moments in between! I need to find one of these moments in each day…