Breakdown, breakthrough

Breakdown at work, breakthrough at yoga on Tuesday. The poses were more challenging this time. I found myself getting frustrated and not breathing. I still had Dad on my mind...corpse pose and I couldn't relax. My back was tight and wouldn't settle completely down onto the mat. My breathing was choppy and shaky and I felt angry tears in the corners of my eyes. And then... I don't know when it happened. I closed my eyes and was somehow able to LET GO into the moment. It was almost like an out-of-body experience: one minute I was there willing my body to breathe, relax but the anger was refusing to let me. And then, the next moment I was...free. My body became loose and relaxed, my breathing flowed smoothly. The tears that formed were not angry and bitter but came from somewhere deeper - a place of rebirth and forgiveness. I may not receive forgiveness from Dad. He is so bitter and resentful at me from things that happened so long ago, a lifetime ago...I can also choose to hold onto my own resentment towards him for things that happened long ago (and not so long ago) or I can exhale past all that pain and choose to FORGIVE. I know it won't happen overnight, but I'm so tired of holding it all in. I don't want to be an angry person, holding onto my hurts and wounds and scars as if they encompass who I am. I am so much more than all of that. So much more than residual anger. And I am capable of being happy. I wish he was, too.